24 March 2010

There's a reason for my absence

I have been thinking about blogging about my absence for two weeks now. I am no good at writing interesting stories. I just type what comes into my head and sometimes that isn't all that eloquent, doesn't read like a romance novel, and I dont use extremely large words. But the reason for my absence is extremely large in my life right now. I dont even know how to say it but I will say it....my mother was just recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I remember the phone call on her way home from the biopsy like it was two minutes ago. I froze in my footsteps not knowing how to react. I stuttered over words, I was silenced by fright, and then tried to muster up the courage to give some promising words to her. The minute I hung up the phone, I cried like a baby. I am an only child and dealing with this whole ugly cancer thing is difficult to do it alone. I dont like it at all. Not that I ever thought dealing with a loved one with cancer would be fun, but PANCREATIC CANCER????? I found a quote the other day quite suiting for the situation at hand.... I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. I went thru the whole gammet of emotions, denial, anger, sadness, and I am now focused on HOPE.

For days I buried myself in the internet learning all I could learn about pancreatic cancer, and that made me even more mad and sad and angry, so I just QUIT! So my new quote of the day is Once you choose hope, anything's possible. I have chosen hope and I hope they will be able to treat her and make her well. I hope everyday that she lives a very long life and sees each of her three grandchildren have grandbabies, I hope that she has hope like I do.

My momma left for the Mayo Clinic this morning in Rochester MN. It's all real now, no turning back, no just 'talking' about surgery and treamtents and doctors, its REAL. Time to turn hope up another notch and believe in the doctors and believe they are giving her the best care.

So this is the reason for my absence on my blog and possible absence from scrapping for a bit. I am researching ways to hold a fundraiser for my mom as her medical bills are going to be completely OUTRAGEOUS to say the least. She is only 57 years old and can not get full retirement benefits from her job for another five years, I believe. I want to help her out in any way I can. So if any of you are aware of fundraisers out there, how to organize them, or helpful sites on the internet, let me know!!!

5 comments:

Kate said...

I had no idea! My heart goes out to you & your mom! She is in my prayers. I can't imagine what you both are going through now. Please let me know if I can do anything.

Kirsten W. said...

I'm so sorry, Michelle. Prayers for you and your whole family!!

tammy said...

So sorry to hear that Michelle...you, your mom and your family will be in my prayers...I hope and pray the treatments go well...and as you have said...there is always hope...

Melanie said...

you know I am praying for your fam. Love you!

Shelley Haganman said...

So sorry to hear this Michelle!I will say prayers of hope for you and your family!!